This Time

This Time

The clock is inching toward ten o’clock.  The minutes tick by, moving us closer to the end of my stint as a stay-at-home-mom.  I’ve spent the day busily prepping lunches, washing and folding laundry, and tidying up the house.

Ever aware of how different it all feels this time.

Last time, I wasn’t ready.  I spent days working to convince myself that I was making the right choice, that the adventure that lay before me was one worth being excited about.  This time, the excitement has bubbled within me since the moment I submitted my resume.

Last time, I stressed over the decision of where to send Runt to daycare while I went off to work.  And my heart broke when he didn’t adjust the way we’d hoped he would.  This time, there is no stress, no fears or worries about how he’s going to do.  This time, we didn’t hunt and search.  This time, there will be no day care.  Instead, Runt will spend his days hanging out with a very good friend who happily treats all of us like members of the family.  He’ll get the one-on-one time that he absolutely needs right now.  I won’t spend a moment worrying about how his days will go because I know he’ll be spending them with someone he loves *almost* as much as Momma and Daddy.  For the record, Runt actually told me earlier today that he loves A more than me.  I’m choosing to ignore that and go with "almost.”  After all, the kid also insists on telling me that he loves Hubster more than me.  Clearly, he isn’t always of sound mind.  And I’ll know that even rough days won’t be anything near as difficult on all of us as they once were, not so long ago.

Last time, it took only days for me to realize that we’d made a terrible mistake.  This time, I know that there was a reason for every moment of pain, strife, and unhappiness then.
Last time was exactly what we needed to get here.

Last time, as I tucked my little man into bed, I fought back tears, terrified of what the next morning would hold in store for both of us.  This time, we happily moved through our bedtime routine with hugs and kisses, while an excited energy buzzed between us.

He can’t wait to head off to the first day of many to be spent with his pal.
And I can’t wait to head off to my first day in a new career.

My alarm is set.  My heart is ready.
This time, I can’t wait for morning to come.

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4 thoughts on “This Time

  1. Grandma

    You casually said you had a job. When asked what you would be doing you became animatited talking about what you would be doing. Knowing what a difference this program can make in the life of a child and family does make it exciting. I know there will be frustrating times, but then will be overshadowed by most days. The arrangements for Z sound perfect.

  2. gina valley

    Hi Aramelle!
    It can be so difficult and stressful coming up with childcare. It sounds like you have found a great plan for your little one. I’ll bet he is going to blossom!

    I enjoyed reading your post, but the lack of contrast makes it a bit difficult. If you were to increase contrast by lightening your background and darkening your text it would improve readability. You want to make it especially easy to read to attract new readership. Just a thought.
    Blogging awesomeness from gina valley: Laugh Log – HachiMy Profile

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