The anxiety is starting to set in. It always comes this time of year, an unwelcome guest, pushing its way in and taking up space in my head that I’m not prepared to share with it.
I can feel the sadness, lurking at the corners of my mind.
I brace myself for the moment when it will start to seep in.
My mind races.
My heart thumps heavily in my chest.
I gasp for air.
I close my eyes to try to find the stillness for a moment.
And I realize that I haven’t been taking care of myself.
Haven’t taken the time for some of the things that I enjoy most.
Somewhere in the midst of all the mothering, and the wifeing, and the working, I got lost.
It seemed there was no time left for just…being.
But this time I refuse to surrender to the anxiety and the sadness.
I see it, recognize it for what it is, and I make a promise to myself to fight against it.
So, this morning, I snuck out of the house a little early, determined to find a moment for myself before the frazzled day that lay before me.
I took a different exit for work. Wandered the back roads for a bit, lost in the music blaring from the radio. And when I finally stopped, it was at this beautiful place that I drive by everyday, always telling myself that someday I’m going to stop and take some pictures there.
This time of year, the colors are so vibrant. Cheerful.
They give me hope that I can feel that way, too.
I stood at the edge of the water, lost in my thoughts for a bit.
My mind quieted, and my soul calmed.
And for 3o minutes, I stood there, just staring at the beauty that surrounded me.
And then it was time to go work. I took one last sip of my hot chocolate and brushed the dust off the bottom of my pant legs. As I pulled back onto the road, heading towards my office, I glanced in the review mirror and locked eyes with a piece of myself that I haven’t seen in far too long. The piece that’s not a mom, nor a wife, or a worker bee.
Today, I shared a beautiful morning with the woman that I forget to be through the hustling and bustling of life. And I was reminded of what amazing company she can be.
Linking up to Pour Your Heart Out at Things I Can’t Say.